Beliefs about Oneself

Do you view yourself in a positive or a negative way? In this post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle he talks about where the negative beliefs so many of us hold about ourselves may have come from. And, most importantly, lets us know that we can change that thinking.

If you have negative beliefs about yourself, did you ever stop to take a look at how they got there in the first place?

We all have beliefs about who we are and what we are like. However, we were not born with these beliefs, so how did we get them? Well, one of the most common ways is by what we are told about ourselves by others when we are young – especially by important grownups like parents and teachers. Now this telling can be verbal or nonverbal, and for our own sanity, it is important that they match.

In other words, if my parents tell me I am smart and funny but they seldom laugh at my jokes or really listen to me, and they don’t pay much positive attention to my accomplishments, I am likely to give their actions more weight than their words.

Now, that weight, or sanction, is important. Because it is not until you give sanction to someone else’s message that you really take it in and make it a part of yourself. If you are a little kid and your parents tell you that you are clumsy or stupid enough times, and they treat you like you are clumsy and stupid, you will take that in and give it sanction. You will believe yourself to be clumsy and stupid. You will make clumsy and stupid part of your self-image, and sure enough, you will start to act clumsy and stupid.

Fortunately, once you are grown there are things you can do to deliberately change those parts of your self-image that are negative. I have been teaching people how to do this for nearly 40 years, and, believe me, you can do it too.

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute

I tend to view myself in a very negative way. And while I’ve never been someone who is supremely confident about themselves, I don’t think my negativity really stems from my childhood. In fact, with the help of the insights I gained about myself from reading the Winners Circle, I think I could take a good guess at a few things that have happened much later in life — one of which is my ongoing health problem — that have certainly fuelled my innate negativity, even if not actually started it off.

I can certainly see the sense of what he says about actions fuelling beliefs even more than words. And can think of people I have known over the years who have been seriously affected in that way.

It’s good to know that there’s something we can do about changing those negative beliefs. I think, with the help of what I’ve read from Lou Tice, I’ve started the process. Though, I know I still have a way to go, sometimes much further than others. It’s usually when I go through one of my all-too-frequent bad patches with my health that I’m at my worst for negativity about myself. But I will improve; with patience and perseverance, I will improve.

This is another post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle that prompted some helpful thinking in me; they usually do. If you think you might benefit too, do please consider subscribing to the daily emails yourself — it won’t cost you anything.