I found this post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle particularly thought-provoking, especially bearing in mind some of what I’ve been through recently. In it, Lou asks about the difference between confidence and self-esteem; and explains that it’s quite possible to appear confident, and yet have low self-esteem.
Today, I have a question for you: What is the difference between confidence and self-esteem? If you are not certain, read on. If you are certain, read on!
Confidence and self-esteem are not the same thing, you know. It is entirely possible to appear confident in front of others without having much in the way of self-esteem. Lots of people do it, and some of them are quite famous. You see, the confidence is just a front, a clever pose – an act. It’s like a cake that is made of nothing but icing. It looks solid, but when you cut into it, you find there is nothing of real substance inside.
People with a confident front but low self-esteem are plagued with self-doubt when they are alone. They know they are frauds and live in fear of being discovered. Often, they’ll turn to alcohol or drugs to help them maintain the illusion, or they’ll surround themselves with people whose only function is to make them look good.
On the other hand, when you have high self-esteem, genuine confidence just naturally follows. Nothing can make you insecure because your security comes from inside. You are not afraid to make a mistake because you believe in your overall competence, and you know that mistakes are just another way to learn.
When your self-esteem is high, you can deal with every situation honestly, and you can express your true feelings, including fear, sadness and anger, without worrying about how you look to others. Confidence is a great feeling, but if it’s the real thing you are after, you must build it from the inside out.
Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute
This really resonated with me. Probably because of the self-esteem issues I’ve been facing recently. But also because, although I have spoken about it on here, I have tried to hide it to a certain extent in most circles I move in — although I expect some people will know because they’ve read about it here. I am getting a great deal of help, and am, for sure, getting through this particularly bad patch.
I’m finding the daily Winners Circle emails a great help; if for no other reason, they are encouraging me to talk, and that has got to be better than bottling everything up. If you think they could help you too, do, please, consider subscribing.
About Paul Sibley
Andrew Gosden (now 18) has been missing from his Doncaster home since 14 September 2007. The search continues.
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