Dealing with Criticism

Dealing with Criticism

Last week I posted a piece from The Winners Circle about types of criticism, negative and positive. I thought it would be good to post this one about dealing with criticism, that came a few days after the last one, this week. It is equally thought-provoking.

Is it hard for you to deal with criticism? Does it make you feel worthless or angry?

How you respond to other people’s criticism depends to a great extent on how critical you are of yourself. If you were raised by critical parents, who caused you to believe that making mistakes was shameful, you probably have a hard time when other people criticize you, now that you are grown.

That’s because you have internalized your parents’ critical voices and have developed a harsh critical voice of your own. When your self-esteem is low, it’s especially painful to be criticized by others because it activates all your own feelings of worthlessness.

But now that you’re a grown up, it’s time to look at the beliefs you have about yourself and get rid of the ones that are keeping you down and making you feel unworthy. It is time to remind yourself, over and over again if need be, that it’s OK to make mistakes. Everybody does it once in a while. In fact, trial and error is one of the most effective ways we learn.

Once you realize making mistakes is no big deal, you free yourself to look at the criticism you are getting from others and ask yourself if it’s justified. If it’s not, you can just shrug it off. If it is, you can learn from it. You can apologize if you’ve behaved badly and state your intention to do better next time without grovelling, feeling humiliated or angry retaliation.

You can take responsibility for your strengths and for your weaknesses without making yourself a victim and without judging or blaming others or yourself.

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute

I think I am quite forgiving of other people when things go wrong; recognizing that everyone makes mistakes sometimes. But not so forgiving of myself when things go wrong; I get frustrated and cross with myself when I do something wrongly. I have to consciously try to think differently, and accept that I, too, can make mistakes sometimes. I find I’m having to do that more recently because of things I’ve forgotten to do — my memory is becoming quite poor compared to how it used to be.

So, I think I have a great deal to learn from what Lou Tice has written in this. But it has got me thinking a little differently, and that has got to be a good thing. Maybe I can learn to be as forgiving of myself, as I am of others. We all make mistakes, even me!

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