Do you find yourself getting frustrated? In this post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle he talks about the feelings of frustration we all find ourselves experiencing from time to time. And suggests a book to look at that might help us to use those feelings more productively.

Frustration

Today, let’s talk about frustration — a feeling all of us experience from time to time — and how to overcome it.

One of the roadblocks on the path to success is frustration. Everyone feels it from time to time. It’s kind of like anxiety with a little anger thrown in, isn’t it? You feel like a tiger in a cage, filled with tension and negative energy but accomplishing nothing. And that tension and negative energy represent both the danger and the opportunity in frustration.

The danger is the tension and the negativity, because negativity blocks all the positive feelings you need in order to keep going and solve the problems at hand — and you just can’t be very creative in a tension-filled environment. The opportunity is the energy, because you can use it to overcome whatever obstacle you’re facing, as soon as you get the negative thinking under control. “Ah-ha,” you may be saying, “there’s the catch. If I could do that, I wouldn’t be frustrated.” Well, you can do it.

We teach people how to do it all the time in The Pacific Institute seminars. Cognitive psychologists teach people to do it, too. It’s simply a question of knowing how. If you’d like to learn how, pick up a copy of Dr. Martin Seligman’s book, “Learned Optimism.” It will give you a simple technique you can use to minimize negative thoughts and substitute positive ones. It’s quite simple to master and it will make a big difference in your frustration level and the time you spend spinning your wheels.

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute

I do get very frustrated — with myself rather than other people. In truth, probably far more than I should. It’s mostly because of my health, when it stops me from doing the things I would like to do, and that I feel I should do. I think, on the whole, I’m very patient and forgiving of others, but not with myself. I wonder if I might learn to minimize the negative thoughts I have with myself, substitute some positivity, and learn some optimism — maybe I’ll get this book and find out.

Another great post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle. His posts are always a great help, and encourage me to think differently about things: If you think you might be helped by reading many more of them, do please consider subscribing for the daily emails yourself.

How are you managing with the trials of living in today’s world? In this post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle he talks about the various trials we face in different stage’s of our lives.

I once heard that, “Old age is not for sissies.” The fact is, life itself is not for sissies.

When you think about the trials of old age, it is easy to agree that old age is not for sissies. But you know, every age has its trials. When we’re young, we face difficult decisions about education, career and marriage. We struggle to come to terms with our emotions, hormones, and identity issues.

Later, we agonize over raising our children, gaining financial security, and retirement. Life, if we are living it fully, never ceases to present us with challenges and problems to solve. The secret to successful living is not in finding an easy, carefree existence, but in being adequate for the trials that life brings.

Stanley Jones once said that we don’t break down from overwork, but from “under being.” I agree. Most of us are not given too much to cope with. It’s just that sometimes we feel as if our inner resources are low.

A camping supply company slogan puts it this way: “See us for supplies so you can rough it smoothly.” To rough it smoothly through life, you need to be well equipped, too. You need good values, a good support system of people who care about you, a purpose you believe in strongly, an optimistic spirit, respect for others, and respect for yourself, as well.

Just like a well-supplied camper, if you have these things, it won’t matter much if the weather turns bad where you set up camp. You will come through just fine.

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute

We all face different trials at the various stages of our lives. Sometimes I imagine we can feel we have to cope with more than our share. With my health the way it is, I must admit I probably feel that way far more than I should. A couple of sentences that spring out for me, though, and I hope they will assist me in the future, are, “Most of us are not given too much to cope with. It’s just that sometimes we feel as if our inner resources are low.”

My inner resources are very low at the moment. I’ve been going through a really bad patch with my health for a couple of months now, and I am really struggling. Various changes that have been made to my medications haven’t worked out as was hoped. And we’re now going back to where I was before Christmas, because the thinking is, now, that the changes we made have possibly triggered, and certainly exacerbated, this bad patch. But it is going to take a while to get things stable again. In amongst all that’s been going on, they have discovered something else that’s wrong. I’ll be going into hospital in early May to, hopefully, get that sorted and start some therapy.

So my inner resources are very low at the moment. But I’m hopeful that, with some help, they will be building up again over the next few weeks. And then, I hope, I will be better equipped to cope with the trials of life. In the mean time, I hope to keep things going as normal on this blog, but I have, now, used all of the posts I’d got in reserve in draft form, so could miss occasionally.

Another great post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle: one that has reminded me that I’m not the only one facing the trials of life, and to think more positively about things. I always find his post a great help; if you think you would benefit from more, do, please, consider subscribing to the daily emails yourself, it won’t cost you anything.

How do you change your beliefs about yourself if you want to? This is the last one of a mini-series of posts, running over the last few weeks, from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle about the beliefs we each hold about ourselves, and how they might affect us.

If you decide your beliefs aren’t working very well for you, how do you go about changing them?

I have suggested that you might read about successful people you admire and study their beliefs. Then, if you choose to, you may decide to make some of their beliefs your own.

How do you do this? Well, one way is to use your very powerful imagination. Ask yourself, “What would it look like if I believed I was confident, competent, and comfortable?” “What would it look like if I were warm, loving and joyful?” “How would I behave?” “How would I feel?” “How would I treat others?”

Close your eyes and picture your answer as vividly as possible. Feel the feelings, hear the sounds, and see it in living colour.

Affirm it in words as if it were true right now: “I am confident, competent, and comfortable!” “I am warm, loving and joyful!”

Repeat the process at least twice a day, every day, with full concentration. You see, your subconscious doesn’t know the difference between actual events and those you vividly imagine. If you eliminate negative self-talk at the same time, you will soon begin to behave like the new picture. Over time, it will become more like you than the old ways. Try it and see!

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute

This whole series of posts has made sense to me, and I’m grateful that in this last one there is some indication as to how we might make the changes we may want to. The last few weeks of these posts have made me realize that perhaps I do need to.

But Lou method’s for making changes seems almost too easy, and I instinctively feel that it should be much harder. Which reminds me of the curing of Naaman’s leprosy in the Second Book of Kings, “‘if the prophet had commanded you to do something difficult, would you not have done it? How much more, when all he said to you was, “Wash, and be clean”?’” (2 Kings 5:13) — and here’s a link to the passage on the Oremus Bible Browser: 2 Kings 5:7-17.

Things don’t have to always be hard; simple and easy can work too. I’ve found that to be true in many things.

This has been, for me, a helpful series of posts from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle, as are the majority of posts that I receive in the daily emails. If you think you would benefit from more of them yourself, do please consider subscribing yourself, it won’t cost you anything.

Can we change our beliefs without betraying ourselves? For the last few weeks, in these posts from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle, I’ve been including a few of Lou’s posts about the beliefs we hold about ourselves. This one continues that series.

If you really believe something to be true, why in the world would you want to change that belief?

When we talk about the power of beliefs in our seminars, we are sometimes asked the following question: “If I really believe something is true, how can I deliberately change that belief without betraying myself?”

This is an important question, and my answer would go something like this: “Belief systems are no more fixed and unchangeable than the length of your hair or the quality of your relationship with another person.”

Now, all of us have core beliefs that are so fundamental we might even die for them. Our ideas about family and God and patriotism may be sacred to us, but most of our lives are governed by beliefs about ourselves or success or happiness that we have unconsciously picked up over the years.

If they work for you, if they empower you and make you a better person, leave them alone! But if they are not working very well, if they cause you to get in your own way, you can change them. However, you are the one to make the choice; it is your accountability, and you must weigh the outcomes.

It is important to have beliefs that will support the outcomes you want. Read biographies of successful people you admire. How do your beliefs compare to theirs? If theirs seem more effective, why not make them your own?

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute

In this post Lou Tice has answered the question that’s been niggling away at me since I started with this series of posts about our own beliefs about ourselves; without me actually being able to formulate it as a question. I realized that was what was bothering me as soon as I read Lou’s opening questions — strange how it works like that sometimes.

With that concern addressed, I wonder how much more I might be able to benefit from what Lou has been saying about the ways our beliefs about ourselves can affect so much in our lives. I quite enjoy reading biographies, but have never considered using them in the way Lou describes. I think, to get the best from this whole idea, I need to sit down and re-evaluate just what my beliefs about myself are, and, if possible, where they come from. Maybe then I’ll be able to move forwards with all this.

Another thought-provoking post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle. If you think you might benefit from more, do please consider subscribing to the daily emails yourself; it doesn’t cost anything.

How much power do beliefs have? This post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle follows on from the one last week, and continues to explore our beliefs about ourselves, and the effect they can have on us.

Your beliefs are the compass and the maps that guide you toward your goals. Today, I am going to discuss how we can use them a bit more effectively.

Do you realize how important your beliefs are? There is no more powerful directing force in human behavior than belief. The people who have changed history – Columbus, Einstein, Edison, Christ, Mohammed, and others like them – have been the people who have changed our beliefs. In many ways, the power that beliefs have over our lives defies the logical models most of us have. However, it is clear that powerful beliefs can affect us in equally powerful ways.

Studies conducted by Dr. Andrew Weil, a Harvard educated physician, have shown that the experiences of drug users correspond almost exactly to their expectations. People who were given sedatives, but were told that they were stimulants, behaved as if stimulated. People who were given stimulants, but were told that they were sedatives, behaved as if sedated.

When you were a child, you didn’t have much choice about your beliefs. Now that you are grown, it is a different story. So ask yourself, “What do I choose to believe? Do I choose beliefs that limit or support me? Do my beliefs turn on or shut off possibilities? Do they move me toward failure or success?”

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute

I’m reminded of St Paul’s words in his first letter to the Christians in Corinth: “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways” (1 Corinthians 13.11). We could add, “I believed like a child.”

I know that some of the problems I have with self-image, especially around manhood and work, are as a result of things I learned/believed in my childhood. And I also know, deep down, that some of those beliefs are just not true. I need to do some work on my beliefs about myself. Hopefully, with the knowledge I have now, that work will be successful.

Another helpful post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle. If you think you might benefit from more, do please consider subscribing to the daily emails yourself; it doesn’t cost anything.

Where do the beliefs you hold about yourself originate from? In the post I put on here from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle last week, Lou talked a little about where the negative beliefs we hold about ourselves may have come from. In this week’s he expands on that, and gives us some great examples of people who have been able to overcome that negativity.

How many of your beliefs about yourself were put there by others who may have been well-meaning, but mistaken?

Do you believe that you just don’t have what it takes to succeed in life – that you are not smart enough, strong enough or capable enough to achieve much?

If so, where did you originally get those beliefs? It could very well be from adults who gave you, when you were very young, their opinions about you. And because these people were your authorities, you took in these beliefs and made them your own.

But, did you know that many successful people have had similar beliefs programmed into them, and have gone on to prove them wrong?

In his early years, Albert Einstein was a poor student who was called mentally slow and unsociable. Abraham Lincoln’s teachers described him as a daydreamer who asked foolish questions. Thomas Edison was called a hopeless case when he was seven years old. His teacher described him as “addled” and said it would be useless for him to continue in school. All of these people came to realize that authority figures were not the determiners of their destiny. Rather, they themselves were. And there are thousands, if not millions, of these stories!

So, if you are being held back because of beliefs you got early in life, ask yourself whether it might be worthwhile to throw them out and replace them with others that will serve you better.

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute

I don’t know about you, but this post gives me a great deal of hope and inspiration. If the likes of Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, and Thomas Edison can turn around their initial negativity in such a dramatic way as they did, then surely I, who doesn’t aspire to greatness or anything, can turn things around in a much lesser way. I know, although I frequently can’t see it, that I have some good and positive things about me. It’s too easy for me to remember the negative things, and even expand on them; I don’t want to think that way any more.

There’s a great quote from Mark Twain, “I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” That’s me; and it is time to change.

Another helpful post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle. If you think you might benefit from more, do please consider subscribing to the daily emails yourself; it doesn’t cost anything.

Do you view yourself in a positive or a negative way? In this post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle he talks about where the negative beliefs so many of us hold about ourselves may have come from. And, most importantly, lets us know that we can change that thinking.

If you have negative beliefs about yourself, did you ever stop to take a look at how they got there in the first place?

We all have beliefs about who we are and what we are like. However, we were not born with these beliefs, so how did we get them? Well, one of the most common ways is by what we are told about ourselves by others when we are young – especially by important grownups like parents and teachers. Now this telling can be verbal or nonverbal, and for our own sanity, it is important that they match.

In other words, if my parents tell me I am smart and funny but they seldom laugh at my jokes or really listen to me, and they don’t pay much positive attention to my accomplishments, I am likely to give their actions more weight than their words.

Now, that weight, or sanction, is important. Because it is not until you give sanction to someone else’s message that you really take it in and make it a part of yourself. If you are a little kid and your parents tell you that you are clumsy or stupid enough times, and they treat you like you are clumsy and stupid, you will take that in and give it sanction. You will believe yourself to be clumsy and stupid. You will make clumsy and stupid part of your self-image, and sure enough, you will start to act clumsy and stupid.

Fortunately, once you are grown there are things you can do to deliberately change those parts of your self-image that are negative. I have been teaching people how to do this for nearly 40 years, and, believe me, you can do it too.

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute

I tend to view myself in a very negative way. And while I’ve never been someone who is supremely confident about themselves, I don’t think my negativity really stems from my childhood. In fact, with the help of the insights I gained about myself from reading the Winners Circle, I think I could take a good guess at a few things that have happened much later in life — one of which is my ongoing health problem — that have certainly fuelled my innate negativity, even if not actually started it off.

I can certainly see the sense of what he says about actions fuelling beliefs even more than words. And can think of people I have known over the years who have been seriously affected in that way.

It’s good to know that there’s something we can do about changing those negative beliefs. I think, with the help of what I’ve read from Lou Tice, I’ve started the process. Though, I know I still have a way to go, sometimes much further than others. It’s usually when I go through one of my all-too-frequent bad patches with my health that I’m at my worst for negativity about myself. But I will improve; with patience and perseverance, I will improve.

This is another post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle that prompted some helpful thinking in me; they usually do. If you think you might benefit too, do please consider subscribing to the daily emails yourself — it won’t cost you anything.

How do you choose to live your life? In this post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle he reminds us that it is our choice to make — whether we’ll choose to live our lives in a positive or a negative manner.

If I asked you to tell me what makes life worth living — in a single word — what would your answer be?

During a break at one of my seminars recently, we were having a conversation about what makes life worth living. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that what makes life worth living can be summed up in a single word. That word is — “You!”

Here is what I mean. Harry Emerson Fosdick wrote about a summer day during his childhood when his mother sent him out to pick a quart of raspberries. “I dragged my feet in rebellion,” he said, “and the can was filling very slowly. Then a new idea came to me. Wouldn’t it be fun to pick two quarts of raspberries and surprise her!”

“I had such an interesting time picking those two quarts, to the utter amazement of the household, and they never forgot it. But, I have often forgotten the philosophy of it. We can change any situation by changing our attitude toward it. Nobody ever finds life worth living. One always has to make it worth living.”

See what I mean? The kind of life you have is a choice you make, every single day. You can choose to live a rich, meaningful, joyous life with ever higher goals. Or, you can choose to drag your feet in resistance and rebellion.

Which makes more sense? And what is your choice going to be?

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute

I hadn’t really thought of this in this particular way before. And I’m not sure that I would agree totally with what Lou Tice says regarding us being able to choose. Going back to the post I made on Sunday; when I was at my worst with the depression, I don’t think I had much real ‘choice’ in the matter, although an element of choice may have helped me get to where I was. But I think ‘choice’ plays a part in keeping me away from that pit now; I don’t have much of a choice as far as my ongoing health issues are concerned, but I choose not to make those steps that would take me over the edge — even though sometimes that might feel like the harder option.

But I can think back in my life to times when the choices I’ve made have really affected my attitude, and consequently how much I’ve enjoyed life. Sometimes very similar to Harry Fosdick’s situation, when, in my working life, I’ve done some pretty uninspiring jobs, and been able to derive a surprising amount of pleasure from them.

Now, I guess the question is, can I apply the positive aspects that choice can bring to the negative aspects of living with a chronic illness? And I think the answer to that is, ‘yes’. The area I think choice can have a real effect for me, is acceptance. I choose not to take those steps that will send me back over the edge into the pit of depression, but I also choose to get cross and frustrated with myself because of the limitations my health puts on me. If I could learn to choose to accept those limitations better, the other choices would come easier.

Mmmm, a great deal of food-for-thought in this post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle, as is so often the case. Don’t forget, if you’d like the daily emails yourself, you can subscribe without cost.

Do you catch yourself being judgemental about others sometimes? In this post from the Winners Circle, Lou Tice suggests that we can learn something about ourselves if we examine more closely what it is we disapprove of in others.

Have you ever heard it said that the things you see and dislike in others are things you probably dislike about yourself? Today, let’s look at this idea in a bit more depth.

When you see things about other people that you don’t like, can it teach you anything about yourself? For instance, if you look at someone and think, “He’s angry, and I don’t like that,” could it be that you don’t like it when you, yourself are angry?

If you look at someone and say, “She’s really scared. Why doesn’t she just do it?” could it be there’s something you are scared about that you wish you would just “do”? Suppose you disapprove of smoking but don’t smoke yourself, so you wonder how that could be about you. Well, ask yourself, “Why do I disapprove of smoking?” Perhaps it’s because smoking is unhealthy. If you look within yourself, you may find that you, too, do things that are unhealthy which trouble you. Or perhaps you may disapprove because you consider smoking inconsiderate, and there are ways that you, too, are inconsiderate.

You see, when we judge others, and if we look within, we will usually find a similar judgement about ourselves. Now, judgements never do any good, but once you understand what you’re really doing, you can, if you choose, decide to stop.

So, the next time you disapprove of someone else, take a look within and see what you can learn about yourself.

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute

While I don’t really think we can go through life never judging other people in any way whatsoever, I do try to follow the Biblical instruction, “Do not judge, so that you may not be judged” (Matthew 7:1) at least as much as trying not to pass judgement about things that are of no real concern to me, or just don’t matter. However, I would be the first to admit that I frequently fail.

I’d never looked at that judging in the way that Lou Tice suggests here, though. But now that I have, it makes an awful lot of sense. Often, when I’m disapproving and negative about another person, it’s about things I’m disapproving and negative about in myself — and there are many. I hope I can use this insight in a positive way, and not just as another stick to beat myself up with.

Lou Tice usually triggers some helpful thinking in me in these posts from the Winners Circle. If you would like to read more of them, do, please, consider subscribing to the daily emails yourself — it doesn’t cost anything.

Are you someone who gets complacent about the good things in your life? In this post from the Winners Circle, Lou Tice tells us that there is probably a physiological reason for complacency like that; and, more importantly, gives us some thoughts on how we might be able to become more aware of what we have that’s good.

One of the things that I constantly remind myself about, is to be very aware of the good things in my life. It seems to be a part of human biological functioning to take good things for granted, especially those good things that are a part of our day-in, day-out lives.

You see, there is actually a part of our brain that is designed to screen out anything that isn’t hurtful, fearful, or physically moving. A long time ago, it helped our ancestors stay alive and get ready to fight or run away.

Nowadays, this brain function may have something to do with our neglect of the good but very familiar things in our lives. So is there anything we can do about it? How can we combat this complacency?

Well, for one thing we can become conscious! We can stimulate our own awareness by making lists of the things we are grateful for, and by deliberately thinking about what we value and take pleasure from.

We can express these feelings in words, or in other ways. We can express them openly, and in the process help others to remember their own reasons for gratitude. What are you grateful for in your life? How do you express your gratitude, and how often do you express it?

Are you taking your most important gifts for granted? If so, how could you change, and how soon?

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute

When I think about myself and my life, I tend to be a “glass half empty” kind of person — see the bad things and miss the good. I’m the opposite when I think about others, “glass half full”, and look much more for the positives in other people. Not because I want to compare how bad my life is in comparison to everyone else around me, but because I believe that on a fundamental level most people are “good”.

When I sit and think about things logically, I am able to see the good in myself and my life. And while there is undoubtedly bad stuff, there really is a lot of good too. It had never occurred to me that my way of thinking might be because of an inbuilt brain function; one that I might be able to influence to a certain extent. But I need to act on the advice given in this piece to do it. Will I though? I don’t know. I wonder how many times I’ve sung, “Count your blessings”, and then not done so.

Another helpful post from Lou Tice at the Winners Circle. If you think you might benefit from more, do please consider subscribing to the daily emails yourself; it doesn’t cost anything.