You know our struggle to serve you

You know our struggle to serve you

Following last Sunday’s rather introspective reflection on the Collect, I really didn’t want to write another like it this Sunday. So I’ve been putting off writing this post and trying to think of a different approach. But I keep coming back to the same phrase from this Collect for The Fourth Sunday of Lent, “You know our struggle to serve you”. And I keep coming back to my own personal struggle in my thoughts. Sometimes we just have to go with where out thoughts lead us, so this is going to be another somewhat personal post this week.

First a quick update following last week’s post. The back-up was used for Evensong. While everyone would agree it isn’t an ideal solution, I gather it went quite well, and my sermon was well received. And health news is a little more positive. I had a long talk with my doctor in the week, and he has agreed that I should increase the dose of one of the tablets I take. The angina has started to settle down as expected. But the downside is the reason I wasn’t taking these tablets at a higher dose anyway — side-effects. Unfortunately, while they are good for my angina, they don’t like me very much. Mobility and breathlessness both become more of a problem; but it’s a vast improvement on the way things have been lately.

Which leads neatly into the subject of today’s post: my struggle to serve God, which I’ll keep relatively short. I have come very close, recently, to giving up any thoughts of a Church-based ministry, and just retiring. But I’m too young for that, and should still have a few years left in me yet. Yes, it will be a struggle because of my ongoing health issues, but I believe very strongly that, at least, a part of my Christian ministry should be Church-based.

And that’s where a good part of my struggle has been; but also where some big steps have been made. I’ve always felt that my ministry should be exercised in, and through, the Church. And while there have been exceptions, that’s where the bulk of my ministry has been. That isn’t to say I thought that what people did outside of Church had less value; just that it wasn’t for me.

The big steps that have been made are that I’m now accepting my limitations and actively looking for ways I can serve that are possible despite those limitations, and dare I say, even because of them. And, by necessity, they are most likely to be outside of the Church. I think I’ve known I would need to do this for quite a while, and even tried sometimes, but without the step of acceptance that was necessary to make it a real possibility. I think the internet offers very real options, and is likely to feature in any future plans. I’m grateful to Steve and Kay for the support in that direction in the comments for last week’s post.

My life as a Licensed Lay Minister (Reader) in the Church, and the oath I made at the time of admittance and licensing, is very important to me; and whatever I end up doing cannot be contrary to that. But I don’t imagine that will limit the possibilities too much, if at all.

For me, serving God has been a struggle. One that I’ve quite likely made much harder than it ever needed to be. But with God’s help, and by his grace, I think it’s just possible that it’s a struggle I’m beginning to get through. I hope and pray that that is, indeed, the case.

Sorry for making such a personal post two Sundays running, hope it hasn’t been too boring.

Merciful Lord,
you know our struggle to serve you:
when sin spoils our lives
and overshadows our hearts,
come to our aid
and turn us back to you again;
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Additional Collect for The Fourth Sunday of Lent
is Copyright © The Archbishops Council