You know our struggle to serve you

Regular readers of this blog will know that I struggle quite a bit with my health. And anyone that read last Sunday’s reflection on the Collect will know that it has been particularly bad recently. Sadly, I’m not about to write that I’m feeling much better now; I’m not, and things are still very difficult.

Onto the subject of this reflection for The Fourth Sunday of Lent, my struggle to serve God. I have come very close, recently, to giving up any thoughts of a Church-based ministry, and just retiring. But I’m too young for that, and should still have a few years left in me yet. Yes, it will be a struggle because of my ongoing health issues, but I believe very strongly that, at least, a part of my Christian ministry should be Church-based.

And that’s where a good part of my struggle has been; but also where some big steps have been made. I’ve always felt that my ministry should be exercised in, and through, the Church. And while there have been exceptions, that’s where the bulk of my ministry has been. That isn’t to say I thought that what people did outside of Church had less value; just that it wasn’t for me.

The big steps that have been made are that I’m now accepting my limitations, though sometimes that’s harder than others, and actively looking for ways I can serve that are possible despite those limitations, and dare I say, even because of them. And, by necessity, they are most likely to be outside of a traditional Church-based preaching and teaching ministry. I think I’ve known I would need to do this for quite a while, and even tried sometimes, but without the step of acceptance that was necessary to make it a real possibility.

My life as a Licensed Lay Minister (Reader) in the Church, and the oath I made at the time of admittance and licensing, is very important to me; and whatever I end up doing cannot be contrary to that. But I don’t imagine that will limit the possibilities too much, if at all.

For me, serving God has been a struggle. One that I’ve quite likely made much harder than it ever needed to be. But with God’s help, and by his grace, I think it’s just possible that it’s a struggle I’m beginning to get through. I hope and pray that that is, indeed, the case and I can continue to accept myself, even when things are bad.

Merciful Lord,
you know our struggle to serve you:
when sin spoils our lives
and overshadows our hearts,
come to our aid
and turn us back to you again;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Additional Collect for The Fourth Sunday of Lent
is Copyright © The Archbishops Council